so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
