I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
