Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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