Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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