Swine flu. Run for my life!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
