dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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