you didnt know i had herpes?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
