i barfeds in our rink
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
