a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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