I cockslap morals
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
