The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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