Porn is love you can see.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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