I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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