The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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