This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
