It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
