I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
