broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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