You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
