Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
