If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
