i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
