if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have feelings that need drinking.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
