I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
