Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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