unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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