I accidentally had phone sex last night
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
