my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
