Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
