Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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