Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
