god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
