you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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