That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
