Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
