so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
