If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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