apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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