I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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