Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
