So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
