I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
