I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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