it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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