i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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