census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
