Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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