i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
