What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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