If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
