Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
