so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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