Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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