he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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