What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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