your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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