Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
