we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I skipped work to stalk him.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
