when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
