he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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