You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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