My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
