Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
