I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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