Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
