I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
