In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
