The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize