What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
