Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
